carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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