just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
