Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Life is so much better after having sex.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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