I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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