Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
