I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
