Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
