He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
