i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
