If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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