3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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