dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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