Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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