im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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