hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
