Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
