my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
