dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
