we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
