I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
