I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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