I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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