do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
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If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize