i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
