we're chasing vodka with high fives
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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