also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
