I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
