i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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