The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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