Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
