he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
