It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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