Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
