i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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