I hate all girls vehemently.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
