he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize