I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
