I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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