I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
