Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
