I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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