Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
