Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
