I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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