my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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