Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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