We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
