How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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