but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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