Heybabeimwearingurpanties
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
