i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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