first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
