Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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