I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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