it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
