I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
