I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
