Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
