Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
