SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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