Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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