watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
