the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
