I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
