Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
