Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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