i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
