he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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