My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
