ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
