the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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