just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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