...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize