Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
